Dear Reader,
I hope you've had a ✨s h i n i n g✨ start to 2023 and that this Love Letter finds you well. If you didn't, or if you are indeed unwell, then you definitely need to keep reading till the end!
Many of you might be wondering where on earth 2022 actually disappeared to. 🧐
But last year - just like every other year - has always been here. And yet it slipped so many people by. Of course we all have things we want to achieve... but so many of us believe that life just seems to take over sometimes.
For some people, "sometimes" means all the time... so they continue to get up the same way, day-in, day-out, go through the exact same routines, eat the exact same things, react to people and situations the exact same way as always, at the end of the day going to bed and being unable to sleep because they think about everything that went wrong for them that day. They then wonder why it's just like any other day, year after year, and that nothing changes. Simply put, they are a victim of their own circumstances.
With all due respect - It doesn't have to be that way!
Life doesn't just take over - unless we let it.
If you've been with me since the beginning of 'Love & Decibels' here on Substack, you'll remember i wrote about the recent scientific findings on the mind-body connection and how we actually have much more control over our lives than we think we do, once we become the master of our thoughts and actions. It appears that children already know how to do this automatically, because they live their world in the Alpha brain state, which activates their creative mind (more about this in a future Love Letter).
The Victim Mentality
If we want our lives to change for the better, it is essential that we get out of the victim mentality. I am grateful to my husband who opened my eyes about it some years ago by teaching me what it means to live in the victim state.
The people i described above live very deeply in the victim state most of the time. I know dozens and dozens of them. I see them in forums and on the social media every day. It's not always their fault, but they are so used to having things not work out for them, that they really do believe that life happens TO them or AT them and that they have zero control over it.
Children are, of course, influenced at a very young age by their families, their schools, their teachers, other students, strict religious upbringings, etc. and soak it all up like sponges. Constant repetition of those same beliefs and values reinforces them into their subconscious.
If they've also been told that they're not good enough, not smart enough, not fast enough, or that they're idiots, childish, etc., their self-esteem is affected in a major way, especially at a very young age. The then lose a lot of confidence and become full of limitations. Scientists have confirmed that this acts much like a computer programme inside their brain that runs on auto-pilot. They then look for other people to moan to, who have the same experiences and so their focus on their misery increases, bringing them more of it year after year. They end up feeling exhausted because they're just living to survive and think that’s the way the world works.
Remember what i mentioned in Love Letter 1?
”WHERE YOUR FOCUS GOES, E N E R G Y FLOWS !”
Yep, that may be why you're feeling drained all the time - due to focusing on the things that stress you out instead of things that make you feel amazing!
Excessive drinking is one way people deal with their misery. I did, too, although i wasn't an alcoholic as such; i mainly did it to have fun and as an escape from reality. Have you noticed that we actually have a widespread alcohol problem in the world? Much of it stems from people feeling powerless to change their circumstances and wanting to escape their misery.
Suicide is another way some people end their misery. If only they knew that it doesn't have to be that way. 💙
I could go on and on about this topic, because as i write this for you, i keep seeing the old me in my head. Feeling so powerless is truly a horrible thing. I'd fallen into a depression that had lasted several decades and was even suicidal twice before i finally decided i’d had enough and asked the Universe for some enlightenment so i can change my life. 😭
(- photo by Jo Huber)
If any of this resonates deeply with you, too, know that there's a LOT that you can do to change things. You can even turn things around IN RECORD TIME if you put your mind to it and really commit to a new life for yourself! 😀 But it's crucial that you work on your mindset and it must be a daily commitment. Just like practicing our musical instruments or training our writing muscles every day to improve, so must we work on our minds, too.
I went around the bend for years trying to get to where i am today and i wish i'd known the shortcuts. I'm here to give you those shortcuts with as much encouragement and attention as is humanly possible while running my own life as well.
I hope you feel a tonne better since you started reading this Love Letter, because I'm really excited for you! 😃
Love and Decibels,
xx jo xx
I know so many people my age who only seem to post "oops, just fallen into this bar again..." on social media, and are rarely photographed without a beer. Or wine. Or whatever. Good times can be had without drinking, just as life can be had without moaning about it on social media. We only have one of these - take control of it in any of the areas you can. How you live your life is affected by how you approach life and what you think of it. If you see life as a drudge, then guess what? It will be...
Excitedly awaiting the future creative brain issue...