Dear Reader,
I hope this Love Letter finds you healthy, happy and creating freely! 😃
If you're not creating freely, chances are that you may not be feeling that happy as a result.
And if it's been a long time since you were able to create anything at all, then it is probably safe to say that you are experiencing some kind of creative block.
I know exactly how frustrating that can be, because as you know, i was in that state for decades and it made me extremely depressed, causing all sorts of illnesses. The alcohol, the meds, the doctors' bills... all kept flowing plentifully my way. If only my creativity had flown that way! Of course, the root cause was never treated. On the contrary; it kept getting worse and worse. The longer it continued, the greater the blockages became. I was numbed to the core and as far away from being an artist as i could possibly have been.
It was only when i took control of my life and began to practice awareness, that i began to question things: "What is this 💩 ?... Is this all there is to life??... How come some people are so happy and i'm so miserable all the time?... What am i getting up for, every morning, anyway?... Was i seriously given all these artistic talents so i can work in a boring office?... How come i have a writing degree, yet i’m broke and waiting tables??… ".
I was sure there must have been more to it than being overworked and underpaid, moving from one mundane job to the next, using the little free time i had left to go out and drink and crash into bed, only to do the same thing again tomorrow... and the next day... and the year after that... and 20 years later... and... and...
With time - and some serious commitment on my part - i came out of that hamster wheel. But before that, i felt victimised by my own circumstances and by following other people's ideals about the life i should be living. From the age of 5, i had a very unique personality and knew that i was different. I also exhibited another rarity for my age - i knew exactly what i wanted to do and that never changed to this very day. There was no doubt in my mind: i was a non-conformist - and an artist!
My rebellious nature put me at odds with everything and everyone around me; only i was raised to be very polite and so most people were never aware of it. I rarely made enemies. But i spent most of the time living in my own world. Nothing touched me - what society appeared to offer didn't touch me; what religion had to offer didn't touch me; what my schooling had to offer didn't touch me; what my peers had to offer didn't touch me. Had i been left to my own devices and maintained my independence, i am adamant that i would have been tremendously successful from a very young age. But that was not the case. I was broken. No - let me rephrase that: due to a strong desire to keep the peace and be left alone, i allowed them to break me - to the point where i was unable to recognise myself, anymore. I became increasingly dishearted and so disconnected from myself, that even my own self didn't touch me, anymore. Any dreams i'd envisioned were swept under the carpet and eventually thrown in the garbage bin until (too) many years later. When i finally decided to take control of my life and start being the artist i knew i was meant to be, i didn’t get very far… because i was completely blocked with overwhelm and fear!
During all the years i spent trying to find myself again, i noticed some key causes of creativity blocks. There are many more than the ones i mention below, but these are the most common ones that keep coming up and that i learnt about during my trainings with Tony Robbins:
FEAR - of not being good enough; of taking the plunge; fear of failure; what will others think; even fear of success.
OVERWHELM - wanting and doing too much at once leads to overwhelm, which leads to blockages.
DRAMA - the drama that takes place in our heads in the form of excuses as to why we haven't done this or that, who stopped us, why it upsets us, how badly we were treated, etc. Such thoughts keep us in the victim state and cannot help us to move forward. They keep us firmly stuck in the past. Medical doctor and author Stephen Karpman invented the ‘Drama Triangle’, illustrating how people often play psychological games when they enter certain states, often unaware that they do so. Dr. Karpman says that people get into one of three rotating states:
1. The Persecutor: judging, criticising, blaming, putting down;
2. The Saviour: playing the rescuer, or offender, wanting to help or save others, because they believe those people can't help themselves and because it strokes their own ego;
3. The Victim: “Poor me”, “Why does this keep happening to me?”; “I am so unloved”; “Life is so unfair!”; “What’s the point, anyway?”; “No-one listens to me!”; “No-one cares about me!”, “I'm a nobody because of you”, etc..
LIMITING BELIEFS - “I'm not good enough”; “I'm not talented enough”; “I'm not creative enough”; “I'm too old”; “I'm too young; “I don't have enough time”; “It's too late”; “I can’t do this!”, etc..
OVERLY HIGH EXPECTATIONS - of ourselves and our work. Perfection actually falls under this one: “I can't release this yet because it's not perfect enough”; comparing ourselves to others, e.g. “They did a great job, so i have to, as well”.
LACK OF CLARITY - not knowing what you want; not having any goals, dreams or visions; not knowing who you are creating your work for; not knowing what your passions are; not having a message; not being clear on what you want to achieve with this piece of work (song/canvas/writing).
LACK OF AWARENESS - often we have all these awful thought patterns going on in our heads that disallow us from making progress. If we are not even aware of them going on, how can we hope to change or achieve anything?
This was another long letter, so i'll close it up here. Stay tuned, because in my next Love Letter i'll give you the antidotes to these causes, so you can spend less time on being stuck in negativity and more time on unleashing all that creativity that lives inside you!
Love & Decibels,
xx jo xx
REFERENCES / RECOMMENDED READING (with clickable links):
• Cameron, J. (2009). Finding Water: The Art of Perseverance. Los Angeles: TarcherPerigee.
• Karpman, Stephen B, M.D. (2014). A Game Free Life. San Francisco: Drama Triangle Publications.